Darkness

Last night Dash and I went to a surprise party for one of his friends Jaz The first time I've been on the town with the pure intent of finding oblivion thru alcohol in a year. We spent entirely to much money there and I hit the glass ceiling presumably around 12:32 a.m. I say presumably because half way thru my 5th L.I.T. (Long Island Iced Tea) the glass ceiling broke all over my head and I was way to drunk, damn near too drunk to stand.

Dancing is fun, I don't often put away my inhibitions enough to dance in public, but intoxication helped me with that. I decided it was time to have my first meal of the day and that took care of it, I don't mind being slightly numb and painless but out of control is to much for me to handle.

I always used to wonder when Dash went out with his buds what the hell he could do in or out of the bar until 5 a.m. I guess now I know. And I wonder why people who are drunk think eating greasy spoon food after the bar closes is a good idea? I of course take the least chunky upchuck factor I can find if it comes back out smooth so much the better.

After that we all crashed at the nearest of the party fiends' houses, thus walking or crawling (in some cases) is better than driving ~ smarter too, never let it be said that ALL drunks are stupid. The group of the 6 of us never once entertained the thought that we could operate speeding machinery.

We finally managed to meander home around 11 a.m. took a 4 hour nap and woke up feeling awful, not a hang over - those are marked by headaches and an aversion to noise right? In either case I had neither but laked the motivation to get off the couch until now.

I am however left with this dark wallowy lower than blah feeling, got this song rerunning in my head ~

Out of this world
Bush

When we die we go into the arms of those that remember us
We are home now out of our heads out of our minds
Out of this world out of our time

Are you drowning or waving
I just want you to save me
Should we try to get along
Just try to get along

So we move we change by the speed of the choices that we make
And the barriers are all self-made
That's so retrograde

Are you drowning or waving
I just need you to save me
Should we try to get along
Try to get along

I am alive
I am awake to the trials and confusion we create
There are times when I feel we're about to break
When there's too much to say
We are home now out of our heads out of our minds
Out of this world out of this time

Out of this time
Out of this time

The darkness presses in around me and I want the mistress night to envelope and caress my soul, take me deep, rape me hard, toss me into the abyss and let me float on the fog of near death until he takes me and uses me. I am slave to his romance. Abuse my will, make me serve thee, degrade me, punish me and leave me lonely to die in my dreams.