I do not have the slightest fucking clue what is wrong with me. For the last week I have been down right psycho. I am suspicious, paranoid and moody. There is absolutely NO reason for these feelings. I can't sleep, I can't focus and now I'm sitting here bloody well crying for not a flip of a reason.
...and before you ask NO i have not been tokin' any damn wacky weed!
On the inside I'm screaming with rage. On the outside I am smiling and crying. WDF? ! ? !
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Ghosts of my Past
I've decided to transfer over my posts from the old Blog I used to haunt because I'd like to consolidate my web lives and be rid of certain bookmarks. It may take me a while to transfer every bit of 2 years (minus a few stupid posts of no consequence what-so-ever) so please be patient with me and feel free to peruse at your leisure. Enjoy!
Wow, I am really starting to notice while editing how very much I rambled. The transitions of my mind slip so easily that my focus doesn't read coherently half the time I am sitting here wondering what my own bloody point was, knowing if I don't understand it how the hell anyone else ever did is a mystery to us all I'd wager. ROFL. So if you decide to read the archives you've been warned!
Wow, I am really starting to notice while editing how very much I rambled. The transitions of my mind slip so easily that my focus doesn't read coherently half the time I am sitting here wondering what my own bloody point was, knowing if I don't understand it how the hell anyone else ever did is a mystery to us all I'd wager. ROFL. So if you decide to read the archives you've been warned!
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Corporate Restructure
About a month ago I may or may not have mentioned that the company I work for would be restructuring come March. This will now become effective on February 13th.
A few directives have come down the pipe line.
Our retail outlet spans across 4 medias in one store, their first order of business was to separate 3 of the more technically diverse areas from the one entertainment specific one (the one I work in). Up to this point some of the employees have been in various stages and levels of training thereby mingling back and forth between the two counters. The change will effectively segregate us and anyone with the training has been told such expenses will not be allowed to waste and are therefore mandated to said Tech Savvy side.
With out making this more confusing let's just say the Manager (Orb), Assistant Manager (AM - Sass) and Head Shift Leader (HSL - Sario) all have this training and have been reassigned. The Manager who I truly have enjoyed working with is moving to an entirely different store altogether to head his own team of Tech Savvies. The AM will become the New Manager of our Tech Savvies and gain our best selling HSL to boot.
The Entertainers will be receiving a new Manager (with his own AM in tow). This change sort of leaves us with 7 college students, 1 housewife and me. As far as I have been able to ascertain only one (Lexar) of those is even remotely interested in advancing with this company and even she has been hedging towards the Call Center.
We are definitely in need of an HSL and it kind of falls to Lexar (who says she doesn't want it and doesn't have the availability to do it) and me who desperately wants to advance (but hasn't been with the Co. long enough to be promoted and lacks the training - which to be fair is hard to come by when you've had 3 bloody managers in 3 months). What's worse is we aren't sure if this manager is staying longer than a month.
Previously Orb and I had been deep in discussions about my career path which we both thought would eventually lead to my becoming a Tech Savvy. I started putting to much pressure on myself and the Co. began to change so Orb and I thought it best I pull back and let the dust settle before moving forward. I think I had decided on some level to not care and just let things flow as they may. Hell maybe I was even in denial because yesterday when I got the schedule for next week it all suddenly became real.
To this point I have been a 20 hr. a week employee (apparently you are a part timer unless you are Management) but of course the college set always calls in and I get offered more hours owing to the fact that I have open availability. Until this change I was 3rd in the line of who gets the extra hours Sario (Avg. hrs. per wk. ~ 35), Lexar(25), and last but certainly not least Me (25).
I know this seems like a stupid thing for me to be telling you but it's pertinent I swear! Next week I am scheduled for 34 HOURS!!! <--This is me jumping up and down with joy because finally I'm getting enough hours to live on...hold on.
Lexar is scheduled for 32. Oh shit, I'm the new Sario!!!
This is quite literally where my brain and all it's gears jammed and I stopped breathing for a full 5 minutes. Those are some huge shoes to fill. I mean the woman is a stellar sells person in either the Entertainers or the Tech Savvy capacity. When I grow up I wanna be just like Sario!
I'm still stunned and slowly piecing together the full repercussions of all this. Whereupon Sass (AM) sees fit to inform me that the new Manager wants to jump right on training me to open (which I have had a minute willy~nilly sort of not really volunteered training session once).
OMGoodness, as I sit here it is occurring to me that they realize Lexar is not a long term investment (she'll be toddling off after graduating to her chosen career next year) but has the training necessary to hold the ship together while I learn it.
Oh crap I haven't even had time to install the mouth filter yet (something Orb deigned necessary for me to achieve anything I wanted). You'd think being an entertainer would be simple and easy and perhaps not a real grown up job but let me tell you it is fast paced, requires lots of memory functionality and the ability to change with the speed of lightening, as well as being diplomatic and business minded.
I just told Dash yesterday I thought it best if we didn't buy a new car until October , you know giving us time to pay off some debt and raise our credit rating and now I just..
think...
perhaps...
I need a car by Thursday.
A few directives have come down the pipe line.
Our retail outlet spans across 4 medias in one store, their first order of business was to separate 3 of the more technically diverse areas from the one entertainment specific one (the one I work in). Up to this point some of the employees have been in various stages and levels of training thereby mingling back and forth between the two counters. The change will effectively segregate us and anyone with the training has been told such expenses will not be allowed to waste and are therefore mandated to said Tech Savvy side.
With out making this more confusing let's just say the Manager (Orb), Assistant Manager (AM - Sass) and Head Shift Leader (HSL - Sario) all have this training and have been reassigned. The Manager who I truly have enjoyed working with is moving to an entirely different store altogether to head his own team of Tech Savvies. The AM will become the New Manager of our Tech Savvies and gain our best selling HSL to boot.
The Entertainers will be receiving a new Manager (with his own AM in tow). This change sort of leaves us with 7 college students, 1 housewife and me. As far as I have been able to ascertain only one (Lexar) of those is even remotely interested in advancing with this company and even she has been hedging towards the Call Center.
We are definitely in need of an HSL and it kind of falls to Lexar (who says she doesn't want it and doesn't have the availability to do it) and me who desperately wants to advance (but hasn't been with the Co. long enough to be promoted and lacks the training - which to be fair is hard to come by when you've had 3 bloody managers in 3 months). What's worse is we aren't sure if this manager is staying longer than a month.
Previously Orb and I had been deep in discussions about my career path which we both thought would eventually lead to my becoming a Tech Savvy. I started putting to much pressure on myself and the Co. began to change so Orb and I thought it best I pull back and let the dust settle before moving forward. I think I had decided on some level to not care and just let things flow as they may. Hell maybe I was even in denial because yesterday when I got the schedule for next week it all suddenly became real.
To this point I have been a 20 hr. a week employee (apparently you are a part timer unless you are Management) but of course the college set always calls in and I get offered more hours owing to the fact that I have open availability. Until this change I was 3rd in the line of who gets the extra hours Sario (Avg. hrs. per wk. ~ 35), Lexar(25), and last but certainly not least Me (25).
I know this seems like a stupid thing for me to be telling you but it's pertinent I swear! Next week I am scheduled for 34 HOURS!!! <--This is me jumping up and down with joy because finally I'm getting enough hours to live on...hold on.
Lexar is scheduled for 32. Oh shit, I'm the new Sario!!!
This is quite literally where my brain and all it's gears jammed and I stopped breathing for a full 5 minutes. Those are some huge shoes to fill. I mean the woman is a stellar sells person in either the Entertainers or the Tech Savvy capacity. When I grow up I wanna be just like Sario!
I'm still stunned and slowly piecing together the full repercussions of all this. Whereupon Sass (AM) sees fit to inform me that the new Manager wants to jump right on training me to open (which I have had a minute willy~nilly sort of not really volunteered training session once).
OMGoodness, as I sit here it is occurring to me that they realize Lexar is not a long term investment (she'll be toddling off after graduating to her chosen career next year) but has the training necessary to hold the ship together while I learn it.
Oh crap I haven't even had time to install the mouth filter yet (something Orb deigned necessary for me to achieve anything I wanted). You'd think being an entertainer would be simple and easy and perhaps not a real grown up job but let me tell you it is fast paced, requires lots of memory functionality and the ability to change with the speed of lightening, as well as being diplomatic and business minded.
I just told Dash yesterday I thought it best if we didn't buy a new car until October , you know giving us time to pay off some debt and raise our credit rating and now I just..
think...
perhaps...
I need a car by Thursday.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Silent as Death
The pallor of gloom that sits upon our household, unseen, and yet barely even felt that is the thin veil of Dash's deliberate denial and avoidance of EVERYONE he told about this. Even though to anyone else he looks fine, smiles from time to time and even cracks jokes I can still feel him across the ocean that is OUR disappointment. He doesn't say anything. As a matter of course he is even quieter than usual if that is possible.
Thursday was bad but I knew that the next day would be worse because he had been telling all his facebook friends (who to their credit have been very supportive) can't seem to take the hint that he would really rather not rehash the same question over and over again. They mean well and I know they care but seriously people if he isn't singing, dancing and hanging from the rafters with joy then it would seem to me the answer you seek is evident.
I've battened down the hatches because I figure the storm to come is going to be so much worse since the calm is eerily like death. Pallid, cold and still. I've no idea how long it'll be before we see the sunshine of his truly happy smile again so I'll weather the surging tides and be here standing still and waiting to support him in his next endeavor.
As for me well I took it harder than he did. I just...well I believe in him. My heart, soul and mind were sold on dreams, all of them coming true in under a year. His and mine. I can't be sorry I feel that way! I'm shocked, stunned and devastated. More punishment for the wicked I guess. Perhaps we didn't have enough karma points between us to be worthy of having it all. Someday damn it. Someday!!!
Thursday was bad but I knew that the next day would be worse because he had been telling all his facebook friends (who to their credit have been very supportive) can't seem to take the hint that he would really rather not rehash the same question over and over again. They mean well and I know they care but seriously people if he isn't singing, dancing and hanging from the rafters with joy then it would seem to me the answer you seek is evident.
I've battened down the hatches because I figure the storm to come is going to be so much worse since the calm is eerily like death. Pallid, cold and still. I've no idea how long it'll be before we see the sunshine of his truly happy smile again so I'll weather the surging tides and be here standing still and waiting to support him in his next endeavor.
As for me well I took it harder than he did. I just...well I believe in him. My heart, soul and mind were sold on dreams, all of them coming true in under a year. His and mine. I can't be sorry I feel that way! I'm shocked, stunned and devastated. More punishment for the wicked I guess. Perhaps we didn't have enough karma points between us to be worthy of having it all. Someday damn it. Someday!!!
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Not Quite Anything...
So Thursday morning was Dash's interview. It was to be the interview of a lifetime. The catapult to fulfilling his lifelong dream and the first corner in the foundation of all our hopes and dreams begun.
You know I don't even want to write it. If I do then it's real and I haven't the heart just now to summon the magical words that will make your heart sink. The words that will express my complete and utter despair.
That interview was his last grip on hope to get out of the stress that is his current position and all he can express is disappointment and inadequacy. I'm a little torn because I know it pains him and yet there is nothing I can do or say to fix that pain besides it would seem whenever I am in his presence now all I can do is tear up and remind him of what isn't happening (not this year anyway).
I just hate it when Lilith does that oh-so-spooky prediction subconscious message thing. I even hate her for not driving the bus Thursday afternoon and letting me look like a slobbering mess, my eyes all puffy and tears enough to fill a river in Cairo.
You know I don't even want to write it. If I do then it's real and I haven't the heart just now to summon the magical words that will make your heart sink. The words that will express my complete and utter despair.
That interview was his last grip on hope to get out of the stress that is his current position and all he can express is disappointment and inadequacy. I'm a little torn because I know it pains him and yet there is nothing I can do or say to fix that pain besides it would seem whenever I am in his presence now all I can do is tear up and remind him of what isn't happening (not this year anyway).
I just hate it when Lilith does that oh-so-spooky prediction subconscious message thing. I even hate her for not driving the bus Thursday afternoon and letting me look like a slobbering mess, my eyes all puffy and tears enough to fill a river in Cairo.
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