Merry-Go-Round isn't so Merry

I have been angry since Monday over something stupid.

Dash posted his good fortune on Facebook before he told me about it and in the comments his sister thanks him for the phone call (not sure if this is sarcastic or not or even when he placed that call if he did at all) and I'm hurt that I wasn't the first person he told.

I understand he was excited and wanted to share and there really is no good reason to be angry about it but I am.

This new tactic that I am trying which is working for the most part is once I become aware of an extreme emotional response in me is to turn the spotlight inwards and examine why I feel that way. I am to look at it logically from my perspective and then try to understand his point of view - empathize with why he did it and try to decide if it is worth bringing up or if it's just garbage. Once I come to a logical conclusion I am to sleep on it for 2 days and if it still bothers me only then do I think I should address it with Dash.

So far this has stopped 6 fights over the last 2 weeks. I have done it to this situation and decided it isn't worth fighting about but I'm still upset. So I am going to break it down in words and see if I can stop the merry-go-round of insanity on this one as well.

Why does it bother me?

Because I want to feel special, important and second only to the children in our relationship.

Evidence to support I'm not important or special -

He told everyone else before he told me. He waited 45 full minutes to tell me instead of picking up the phone to tell me.

Evidence to support that I am important and special -

I am special to Dash because he has compromised long standing beliefs to continue to be with me. His continued presence in the light of my moodiness is proof positive he loves me.

Why do I think he might have done it this way?

He was excited, he has been waiting a long time and he preferred to share this news with me in person so I would have the benefit of his joy with hugs, smiles, and kisses. It is also possible he thought I would see it before if not at the same time as everyone else.

Logically, this is sound and should be enough to end my roller coaster so why then am I still angry and hurt? Why do I feel the need to be angry at him for something all the time?

Because some part of me is measuring me against him - he is better at games on Facebook, he is more mature in our relationship than I am, he is better at not letting his emotions rule him than I am, and he is smarter than me.

Once the problem is identified what steps should I take to correct the issue?

Realize that I am special, important and that I should not measure myself against anyone but me. Be the best I can at what I do and who I am and that should be good enough because we all have our own strengths. Have a positive outlook.

What real harm is in allowing it?

It does no real damage either to me or our relationship that he told others before he told me. It is not his fault that I was busy with my own pursuits that day and not following his every move.

What good can I see in this instance?

The fact that I was otherwise engaged means I am making progress at not stifling, smothering or obsessing over his every thought and action. I am reclaiming my independence and walking away from the co-dependance.

*Now there is a thought I had not had. A constructive one at that. I do seem to have been kicking myself for lots of "little" things this week.*

So I guess I should also measure my days in it's successes and joys and not the "little" insignificant bug that should be swatted but good.

I feel better!