Saturday, December 4, 2004

Soul-mates

Earlier I logged into yahoo, after reading four days worth of Rose I decided I felt way too pathetic and needed some human adult interaction. I mean I only have acquaintances here in Toronto and had begun to think the reason I’m so boring is because not only do I not have a life but no friends either, that aren’t online anyway or live 4 or more hours away. I’m a solitary critter and that seems okay with me most days but after reading Rose talk about her exciting life, friends and sexual escapades I’m like 'damn I’m drowning'. So I do what I always do I turn to Bri.

He can make me feel better and of course he does…We begin with the usual banter. Hi. How are you? What you been up to? Blogging and Rose of course is my answer. His is work and his roommate brother is driving him nuts.

Bri is so much an enigma to me. He understand me, he understands most women except why he can’t make them understand sex is just for fun right now. He’s not ready for anything long term because he’s still looking for the “ONE”. And states he can tell almost immediately if she’s a long term girl or not. I don’t know how he knows this since it takes a while to get to know the real side of anyone. Ask him and he’ll say he doesn’t know either but he just does.

Anyway he wants to know why I’m so into blogging and I say ‘I wanted input from the readers, then it turned into this exercise in writing. Trying to learn how to express how I really feel about things. When I make myself a character in one of my books the character comes off flat because I'm too used to keeping my darkness and sorrow to myself.’

To which he immediately replies ‘Hun... Why do you think I always preferred talking to people online... I can be much more open online... its like I’m faceless this way... I can talk about anything I like... and feel its private and not so personal... writing a diary entry like that is similar...and a way to be somewhat more than who and what you are... or for those who are more exhibitionists...’

We both sense we’re being a little to deep so we down shift into small talk. How’s the permanent resident application going? Good takes about 4 months to get news…blah…blah…blah. My 31st birthday is 9 measly days away so I comment on the state of affairs since we’re only 3 months apart in age.

Do you feel old? I sometimes do but find I still think of myself in my 20s.

He says ‘yep... sometimes I do... sometimes I don’t... its worst when cute young women are hitting on me... and I realize I can still remember a LOT of things from the years they were BORN.’

All kinds of agreement from direction.

Talk of gray hairs and distinguishment. Then he starts in with this ‘last month I had to talk an 18 yr old I've known for a number of years now out of being interested in me... sigh.’

And with Bri I say exactly what I’m thinking, we’re just comfortable that way you’ll see keep reading ‘Stamina, that's what I'd be thinking and or a clean slate to mold and teach all the wonderful ways to fulfill my desires. Also, flattered that I was still good enough looking on the outside to entice someone of that age’.

He replies ‘I also feel... perverted... I mean... logically... 19 is old enough to make her own mature decisions... but still... I mean... DAYAM... I graduated before she STARTED school.’

Then I’m laughing he can’t see me he can’t hear me but he just made me a merry fool. I think with us both sometimes our biggest problem is we think way to damn much.

He nods but I can’t see him do this but I know he is. He goes on to say ‘Yeah... I know but other people keep warning me... and I’m so sick of people constantly telling me how sick it is of an older guy like me to be "taking advantage" of a young girl like that...’.

Oh I’m starting to seethe just under the edges no one needs to be judging my Bri. My reply is this ‘If she don't do it with you whose to stop her from doing it with another older gent said female may want the experience of knowledge ability and isn’t that between you and she and why are you letting people judge you this way you haven't done anything, thinking about a thing and doing it are two totally different things and a decision only the 2 adults should make and the law says she is entitled.’

I advise him to tell no lies or lead her to believe it will go beyond the sexuality and friendship; he’s not her daddy and doesn’t need someone to raise. Vigorous agreement and then he tells me of course being BLUNT and brutally honest and STILL women get attached and suddenly want "more" than just sex and fun. Time and time again.

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