Perfect

Okay it's technically tomorrow so I can post the rest of that story with Bri.

Dash has said to me on more than one occasion that with some people the only thing they understand is pain...he was talking about who could cause the most pain with words...but I think it applies to this for the most part.

Try as he might to be nice, but nice isn't understood so you have to yell or be a fucking asshole to be heard. I’m that way you can say 'honey please don't do that it hurts me' but I won't hear you until you’re yelling "YOUR A FUCKING PSYCHO BITCH LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE."

Yelling I understand, patience and understanding still confound me. I respond well to strong emotions, feelings and reaction mostly of the negative variety but am coming to understand unconditional love ~ it's so strange to me. It's taken me 2 1/2 years just to be able to accept Dash is a passionate person in his love, commitment and loyalty I always thought passion existed only in the severe like lust, anger, and rage. You know the primal nature of the beast that resides in everyone.

Dash didn’t teach me all this, what a pretty thought but not entirely accurate, the Buddhist studies brought the understanding Dash was the example. He can't teach it to me I have to learn it, explore it and understand it on my own. Bri is also a very illuminating being, he helps me understand myself even if only while passively listening to me babble. He’s my gilded guide, almost angelic and non-caporeal for me for he is with me everywhere I go. I've said it before and it's never less than the absolute truth Bri and I are soul-bound never to be parted.

Dash once asked me while I was complaining why I continue to talk to Bri if I get so frustrated...my reply was 'he's been there with me longer than anyone, thru the shit and the good, he forgives me my faults and is still standing there loving me as a friend his arms open wide for a hug no matter what a bitch I am, never had a friend like him before and it's what friendships should be'.

Bri says ‘forgiveness is divine... and thru it all... I’ve still forgiven you for everything... friends should be able to forgive and forget... move on with life...’

Mostly I think it's not because I'm frustrated with Bri but with myself, what he makes me see in myself sometimes is hard to accept and then there's the fact that I have to realize no matter how much I want to I can't fix him and all his problems. I'm thankful for the forgiveness it is a gift I aspire to have.

I wish with my deepest heart that I could wrap up the miraculous gift of love Dash and I share and give the same to everyone. Everyone should experience this kind of unconditional love.

I have also told Dash I have very few things worth living for, Ladybug (my daughter) while she needs me, him and the love we share and...Bri’s friendship. If not for those I think I might just give up roll over and die. To tired to fight anymore I just want simplicity. I show Bri some pics of Dash and we talk then about how different Dash is from my type. 6'2", about 180lbs brown eyes, shaved bald head, black goatee where before I was drawn to 5'6", 140Lb, blonde luxurious hair, and blue eyes.

Personality wise is the same way too I used to love assholes and he's so ...god there is no better word...perfect he does nothing wrong on purpose, he is very P.C. in speech, smart like encyclopedia and supportive and understanding... I know I keep saying supportive and understanding but boyfriends in the past had me so fucked up when I got involved with Dash I’d do these atrocious things like going thru his wallet and e-mail and then tell him expecting to be yelled at and accused of being a psycho and he's like 'okay, I have nothing to hide' and onto another topic like it never happened.

Bri the ever wise says ‘The ones we find are right for us... are rarely what we THINK we want.’

If I had seen D in a crowd I wouldn't have noticed him ~ too tall and bald, but I fell in love with his mind, his wit, his humor before I ever saw what he looked like, and at first meeting I was like 'err' but decided the chemistry we had went beyond the superficial outside and to the heart, the very core I find it hard to be mad with him around and we'll both get so frustrated sometimes before you know it one of us is laughing cause it's so absurd. I laugh, he looks at me like I'm nuts then he'll laugh and that makes me laugh harder and he laughs harder cause I'm snorting and it feeds itself till we can't breath. Or we'll be fighting and all I want is to be in his arms, we'll both be serious to death and then I'll start to cry because he's got that hurt puppy look in his eye so I'll purposefully say something absurd so he'll laugh so I can laugh and we can get back to snuggling and being affectionate. But we don't fight that much and I really don't want to when you know you have the best, even if there are things that bother you what's the point in complaining, I don't think I'll ever find anything better. I am by no means settling just realistically he is the absolute best thing in the world to ever happen to me.