True Love: My first experience with true love was with my first husband F. As you may or may not recall he now sleeps with the Angels. Anyway, he was my teacher, well they all taught me something about love but he was the first one that I was consciously aware of. He tried not only to tell but also to show me what love is. He did it mostly by telling me no when I attempted to act a child. I would scream and yell and have a tantrum, wanting him to do the same. He would patiently wait until I'd sated my anger, when I realized he was not going to reciprocate I'd bawl my eyes out and fall into his open and waiting arms and cry the hardest of my lifetime. He understood when I asked for a 'yes' what I really wanted was a strong loving 'no'. Show me you have the strength to call me on my bullshit and I respect you. Back down when you know you're right and I will see weakness.
You’d think that his being dead might put a stop to love altogether but of course it doesn't. Nine years and some change down the road I have not remarried, I still carry his last name, and still receive survivor benefits. SO in essence I am still his girl, he still looks out for me spiritually and financially. Sometimes I can still feel him holding on to us (me and his daughter) and I miss him everyday of course, but I think it's about time he lets us go. There is a new love and it's hard for me to love another as long as his spirit hangs onto my heart. Feels too much like a betrayal to him and his memory, the greatest gift you can give someone sometimes is their freedom.
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