3 men in Kahki and an Onbudsman's wife

Let's rewind time. I've only recently learned the past is no place to be lost in, but I sort of believe the story of me began in 1994.

June to be precise. I was 20 working in a dive skinhead bar. It barely paid the bills but it was an excellent playground for learning about yourself.

The windows and walls were painted black. Moshe pits were always the order of the night. I saw KMFDM, 311, and Rage against the Machine play live there.

One night a clean cut navy guy turns up dressed in all white, boy did he glow beneath the black lights.

He was 5'6" 145lbs. brown hair and glasses, not bad to look at but without the clothes I wouldn't have noticed him at all. He was in the US Navy.

It started with breakfast, then I sublet his second floor, then we dated for 3 months. Married 2 months after that. Had our daughter 7 months later (And no my being pregnant wasn't why we married)

She was 4 months and 6 days old when the 3 men in Khaki and an ombudsman's wife showed up on my door step. To a military brat like myself this could mean only one thing.

I opened the door thinking F. had forgotten his keys, when I saw them I knew. He said (and I'll never remember who this man was)"May we come in."

I wanted to tell him to get the fuck off my property and slam the door in his face. I couldn't breath let alone talk. I nodded silently and moved out of their way as they paraded into our home.

I was already in denial and they hadn't uttered but 4 little words. I picked my daughter up cradling her to me and sat pristinely on the couch near the women. Who politely asked me if she could hold the baby. I adamantly refused!

I've told this story to a ton of people, why is it so hard to write it here? At the moment my readership is nil so who am I telling it for? I guess it isn't real 'til you put it in print. Here it is 9 years later and I shudder to finish it. After all this time will this be the thing that finally releases me? Give me a moment to catch my breath I'll finish on the next entry...