Love Case Studies ~ LCS4: Soul-mates

Soul-mates: I was thinking on Bri recently (as I often do some days his mere existence resonates my whole being). It occurred to me that the absolute reason we did not manage to make a go of it is two fold. 1.) Our relationship occurred 5 short months after the death of F. I wasn’t ready to accept that I was supposed to have anything in my life that made me happy and 2.) While I’m sure we did laugh I don’t remember us laughing. We were both so serious that we took the fun out of everything by over thinking it. Love needs laughter to grow and thrive.

Punishing Love: The exercise in pain that was CJ prepared me for the love that was to come by showing me exactly what I didn’t want in a relationship and that I did after all deserve more than I thought. CJ and I had very little in common including our opinions. Even the physical stuff wasn’t that good, he had my appetite and quite a lot more than my stamina (2 girls on the side). Anyway we played mind games and they weren’t without their lessons. Who could withstand the most shit? He won. Who could survive alone and happily? I won. It boiled down to neither of us really wanted to be alone for those 6 horrendous years and we were comfortable enough with the others crap to put up with it in order to avoid the dating scene. I also learned in the end what he really needed was for me to need him and I didn’t. I am a strong, independent, free-spirited soul. I didn’t need a man to validate me. I can change my own tire, do my own oil change, and am fairly handy when something gets broken, anything I needed to do I could do or I could learn to do on my own and the few things that were beyond me I could hire someone to do.

Maybe I’m strange but there’s a special place in my heart full of respect for the hard lessons taught me by both CJ and my father. All things need their opposite in order to balance. I needed to learn some hard lessons, pain and bullshit aside it really was the only way for me to see the truth I was in deep denial over.

That's what soul-mates are for, to teach and guide you even if the lesson sucks!