Please be advised due to my current medical condition Doctors have informed me that I'm incapable of coping skills and prone to Hormonal Challenges (HC) - that's moodiness hijacked by ninjas on hormone deficient cognitive reasoning. Please take all things with a pinch of salt. Know I do NOT mean anything said as an attack simply an explanation. I want/need your opinions, your support and your understanding. Thank You!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Let's begin today with an explanation of why I do not like gynecologists. Fact is it will never matter if the Doctor is good or not, this experience is TORTURE even when I do not have problems.
1. The speculum - is not comfortable in truth it hurts me so badly I cry the entire time. I have tried balling my fists and placing them under my lower back to lessen the pain and tilting my pelvis to various angles, as well as taking mild mood soothing herbs and Tylenol before an appointment all to no avail. I also ALWAYS get pinched. This pain may or may NOT be associated with the scar tissue created when I contracted chlamydia at the age of 17 (bad boyfriend for screwing around bad me for not making him use a condom).
2. The Pap smear - While I know this is a q-tip and Doctors of varying gentleness have done this it still feels like razor blades.
3. Abnormal Cells - After each and every time I gave birth the Doctor would inform me that I had abnormal cells and that they needed to do a biopsy to rule out Cervical Cancer. The biopsy always came back clean or upon retesting 6 months later miraculously gone. I know this is preventative and caught early could save my life but I think after it happening 3 times each time after birth having the EXACT same problem I think I know what I'm talking about when I tell them it will rectify itself. The last ass I encountered about this refused to first retest properly (6 months instead of 6 weeks you dim wit) so he decided I needed a LEEP (cork sized biopsy from the cervix) I let him do what he thought was necessary only because this is what it took to get him to agree to give me the Tubal I wanted. Thanks to that I now have a shallow vagina and pressure pain I've learned to deal with during sex.
4. Cancer - NOT everyone has it and NOT everything causes it. This word stresses me out and no matter how many times I tell a Doctor to not use it unless tests PROVE I have it they will not be sensitive to my feelings. One time under direct orders in my file a Doctor had notated that it would danger the fetus to stress me out so therefore talking about an amniocentisis or the results of any birth defects testing, and any mention of cancer whatsoever with me would be stressful and detremental to my health. What happened was the on call Doctor obviously could not read and did just that. Harassing me at home with phone calls trying to convince me that this was something I HAD to do. It did not matter that everytime I said no and asked her to stop. I ended up bed bound for 2 weeks over this.
5. Emotionally/Mentally - I can and do have the ability to wrap my head around a great deal of pain. I am aware they ARE trying to help me! However I still go home from an appointment feeling violated - this may be a psychological throw back from being molested by my Uncle at 5 and raped by my brother at 12. I can't be positive about anyone I really am not in love with touching anything private. My skin tries to vacate my body every time I get a breast exam. It's not the Doctors fault I realize this and say nothing to them but am a basket case for the rest of the day.
6. Psychiatrist - been there done that didn't change a damn thing! I feel how I feel.
I'm not saying ALL Gynecologists are bad I am saying since I do not have a medical degree they do not listen because they think I am stupid and stubborn. Be that as it may I wear my body for 24/7 for the last 35 years. I am intelligent and will seek information on that which I do not understand or know and WILL consult a professional because I do NOT profess that I am smater than they are.
It isn't even just Gynecoligists every single Doctor I have ever seen has at one point in time accused me of stupity with this phrase "How can you possibly know you have ________? (fill in the blank) Are you a Doctor?"
1. I didn't say I KNOW anything I said I SUSPECT this is my problem.
2. If I KNEW what it was what the hell would I be doing in your office?
3. Just because I am from back woods Missouri and speak with an accent does NOT mean I am an idiot.
I accept that all of the aforementioned may be an example of pessimism on my part and stubborness to boot but again this is how I feel. I really try to make extreme efforts to not allow this to control my ability to remain healthy. I am sorry TRY is all I can promise. I am open to suggestions on how to control this if it should seem irrational to anyone.
Tomorrow I'll delve into the Fibroids and why I waited so long to deal with those.
2 comments:
I hate it all too. I'm ridiculously sensitive and pap smears make me nervous and hurt so fucking bad I have it in my file that I need Xanax prescribed to me before hand and I schedule the appointments in the afternoon so I can go home and lie down for a while. Coloposcopies are even worse and don't get me started on how the fuck I even got back to work after that endometrial biopsy. I understand entirely how you feel. That's why I went through 12 before I found the right one. I just kept going through the insurance approved list until I found a good one who listens to my concerns, thoughts, theories, and interacts. It has made my life easier having a good doctor, but the appointments still suck. I also don't want to end up like my mom so I stay on top of things before they get out of hand.
Oh and I know I saw 5 in my last comment and 12 in this one so let me clarify: 5 PRACTICES with a total of 12 GYNs. Just wanted to make that clear and not make it sound like an exaggeration.
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