New Chapter

Originally I began my first blog at Diaryland in November of 2004, it was titled "Control Group" at the time I was attempting to write a novel ~ which to this day has not been finished but often nags at my memory like a neglected child ~ there were moments when I would lose the direction of the story and feel like I just didn't understand human nature. So I began the blog as a way to get strangers to interact with me, of course you know the experiment did not quite go as planned. I learned more about me in the 2 years I spent there than I ever dreamed possible. I can honestly say I am not exactly the person I was then, oh my core beliefs are intact but I guess I found direction for myself rather than an understanding of the human condition. I don't really think I'll ever understand our species as a whole but at least now I know how I want to approach my own existence and chisel out the form my life will take.

If you bother to visit my past (which might be in your best interest because I have no plans to backtrack more than the previous year) and read all of that, you might notice it ends rather abruptly. No explanation, no hints or clues not even a sorrowful goodbye although I have plans when I finish this post to go there and direct friends here.

The short version is I sank into a deep 5 month depression. I became reclusive, sullen and the insomnia went through the roof. I was jobless, grieving and about to be homeless (not an exaggeration). The other 7 months have been my attempt to rebuild our life. So with that in mind I shall begin by telling you about the reconstruction which actually begins back in May.

The beginning of May we had enlisted a real estate agent to help us in our search for a new home. The landlord refusing to winter proof the house (which would have meant a $700 a month heating bill - as the previous year had shown us, when it should have only been $150) as well as refusing to have the roof replaced even though we had notified him (the year before) of the leakage in our bedroom and mold falling from the ceiling onto our bed, flooding the bathroom and back-ups of the sewage line in the basement followed by his refusal to replace the washing machine that had gone tits up, we decided we'd had enough.

We managed to find a Non-Profit townhouse, with regular maintenance, $95 a month electricity bills, no more natural gas heat, driveway, garage and $241 a month cheaper than the Slum place we were living in. We filled out the application and were awaiting approval when we received the rather sad news one of our close friends had, had a stroke and died suddenly. In our haste to be with the remaining friends and family we asked our agent to notify our landlord and handle the rest of the paperwork to which he agreed.

We spent a week away always in constant contact with the agent making sure he had everything he needed and staying current of our status, only to return home to find out our current landlord had NOT been notified and had tried to cash a post dated check for another months rent. The new landlord had been given our remaining money and the old landlord is screaming foul. This managed to iron itself out but not without much gnashing of my teeth and pulling of my hair! We ended up with 3 days notice to move and 1 week before I was to start a new job.

That's right during all of that madness I managed to secure a paying gig working as a Stable hand mucking out horse stalls - that means shoveling shit for those of you who don't know. Tee-hehe. Dash (this would be my man) works with Mel whose mother Big S owns the barn whose friend Squire manages it. Mel bothered to inform me before my interview that Squire was not the easiest person to get along with. Lord, I am shaking my head. Deeply! Deeply, sorry for 2 reasons . . .

1. Never ever is it a good idea to try to form my opinion of another for me for I will set my will squarely against you and decide for myself!

. . . and . . .

2. I really, really, really should have listened!!!

Monday - Friday for the next 6 months my days and their good versus bad levels were based solely on her mood in the first 30 minutes of everyday. Now mind you as a person she is decent unfortunately her social skills or lack thereof drive even the stubbornest of us away.

Aside from that, after basically riding a desk for 10 years my poor body simply could not manage to adjust. I would come home drained physically, emotionally and mentally. I could not stand for more than an hour after work, I tried my best to render the negativity imposed on me daily to a nil effect and could not concentrate on the simplest of tasks. I would go to bed sometimes as early as 6 p.m. and either sleep for 12 hours or not be able to sleep at all. On top of all that I was paid for a part time job that I spent more than full time hours at but I had agreed to this when I signed on, little did I know what I was getting myself into. In the end it simply was not realistic for me to keep a job that had no pay raises, no promotions, no vacation time, no sick days and no benefits. It was a dead end and I knew it. So with a months notice I began the process again for the career I have wanted for the last 2 years - and GOT it!!!

~I do have to say thank you to the Barn for helping me lose those 38 lbs. though. I went from a size 16 at 188 lbs. to a size 10 150 lbs. ~

Monday was my first day with RCI. I slept in, I lounged for 3 hours before work, got there filled out paperwork, the store itself was dead I'd say in 4 hours only 10 people walked through those doors but there was always something to do and not in a constant state of rush, although I do believe Friday - Sunday will be a different story. I sort of spent all day yesterday feeling like I was doing something wrong and all day today trying to figure out what I am supposed to be doing with my free time now that I have some and am not so physically wrought that I can't clean the house. So as of the moment we are back on track.

Next installment . . . "Dash Sees Red"