Wedding Part 1 - Backstory

A week ago today Dash and I attended the wedding of a very close and dear friend of ours. Someone Dash has known for about 6 or 7 years. They started out working for Intercon together both with hopes of becoming Police Officers. Oi made it and Dash is still trying.

I met Oi in March of 2003. It was the easiest friendship I have ever had the pleasure of slipping into. I say that, that way because I believe most friendships should be fairly easy, nothing forced or strained. That’s not to say that friendship isn’t worth fighting for, indeed it is. Only just that “Friendship Happens”. Dash said even the way Oi took to me was mildly surprising.

Oi is of Asian/Dutch decent. Both of his parents are Chinese but some how ended up owning several restaurants in Holland. I’m not quite clear on the details and it really doesn’t matter except that it bears on the wedding.

At any rate I had heard horror stories about Oi’s past romantic history. He’s a cop but he’s a Teddy Bear at heart. He’s stable, has an established career, he’s fun and funny but somehow managed to be single half of the time I’ve known him for. It even seemed that he’d decided dating wasn’t going to be a priority in his life until about a year and a half ago. Someone introduced him to Betty (also Asian) and all seemed to be going well.

Last year about this time Dash and I attended Oi’s birthday celebration. It was a drinking free for all and the only rule was if you served Oi a shot you had to have one with him. There had to be at least 30 of us to his one and we’d all made our mission to get him right snookered. Including my then 10 year old daughter.

Picture this. About half of those in attendance are cops, everyone is sitting around Oi’s backyard in a semi circle around the table of booze in various folding chairs, it’s grown quite dark but Oi’s turned on something like stadium lights (on a smaller scale). The Ladybug pours him a shot of Vodka and offers it to him, he’s tipsy at this point and really doesn’t want anymore so he says,”You have to have one with me”.

Bug looks at me, I look at Dash and he says, “According to the letter of the law if her parents are present and consenting she may have an alcoholic beverage in the privacy of a domicile. Within reason.” (Alcohol poisoning you see.)

Bug had moved to the middle of the circle as I said,”If you think you’re woman enough toss ‘er back.”

A hush had fallen aver the congregation. No sooner than the words left my lips than she jerked her head back and took the shot in one fell swoop. The crowd was stunned a moment and then broke into cheers.

Sorry about the side tangent but it comes to bear a little later on. Much later Oi is piss drunk, so much so that he can barely stand. He’s knows he’s well past his limit and avoiding food and that paint thinner they call alcohol like the plague. We’ve managed to maneuver him into a chair while Betty (whose been playing hostess all evening) cleans up. While she’s gone I broach the topic of a possible proposal to which he whisper slurs that plans are in the works.

About that time he starts feeling nauseous and Betty appears from inside. She's helping him hobble around, then decides to run inside for a plastic bag for him to throw up in. Which he actually does use to do just that. The whole time she is holding the bag for him. And that's about the time everyone figured out that this was the girl for Oi.

The proposal was followed about 9 months later by a wedding invitation as you well may have guessed by now.

Part 2 shall entail the Wedding itself. I’d finish it now except I was taught most readers won’t stick around on the net to scroll more than 2 pages. And as we all know I am a natural born talker so some posts get chopped up.

Circle the Buzzards

I admit I have been avoiding posting for the simple reason that I hate to post anything negative about anyone but the facts of the matter are - not everyone I come in contact with is going to do nice things all the time. I admit further that this is a mistake I have made before and one I will probably make again because that’s the kind of person I am.

This post shall be a furtherment of "Roomie Remiss". First I should point out that the previous post was based on my faith that as a “friend” Binner was telling the truth which turns out to be slightly less than accurate. He told us around the 3rd of August that he was hired and would be attending orientation on the 10th for VIPM and that his actual start date would be on the 17th.

It turns out that he did indeed attend an interview with VIPM but was not hired. He spent the next 2 weeks secretly looking for a job and building himself and VIPM up to a point that he couldn’t hope to reach and offering me a job that was pure fantasy.

Dash and I had become suspicious offering him several chances to come clean but he refused to tell us the truth (I believe that he honestly thought he was in to deep to come clean and retain Dash’s friendship). Perhaps all he thought he needed was time to get a different job so that he could build a plausible bridge between what had been a lie and the truth. I wonder if he’ll ever know just how close he came to pulling it all back together.

His “note”book says he started a job on the 17th of August with GC and the Orientation invitation confirms this. That’s right; we found proof of the lies. If you’ve read me before you know that I believe in a minimum of 3 Sides to Every Story and withhold my own conclusions until such time as I feel sufficiently informed to make an educated guess. Which, for the most part is all the closer anyone ever gets to the truth. For truth is most assuredly relative to each individual. Enough of that – if I start doing that karmic psychobabble thing we’ll be here all day, I just want to get the story told as I am certain you just want to get it read.

By September 5th he had received a paycheck and even though I warned him not to put it in the ATM and especially not after business hours he did it anyway claiming that it couldn’t be helped because he was at work all day – which by this point was questionable. He was staying up until all hours of the night, not getting up until 3 in the afternoon and running to his girls place more often than I really think he went to work.

Dash and I had reached our breaking point as with the money and the job offer it was always the same story – not his fault, couldn’t be helped, just a couple more days. We had agreed that when they got back (both D and Binner have every other weekend visitation with their kid(s)) from the weekend that this was his final opportunity to get his act together or get out. On the 10th he gave us 1/3 of what was owed (rent $200 bimonthly and $189.16 for his cell phone bill) with a promise of the 2nd 1/3 on the 13th and the final 1/3 for the 15th . As well as positively confirming that my orientation would be on Friday morning at 9 AM – 4 PM.

In the end he only bought him another 3 days before we were all back to the boiling point again. By the 13th the bank had supposedly told him it wouldn’t be available until the 14th. He went to “work” on Wednesday(13th). Thursday night he called and said he was stopping by his girls then on his way home. Friday morning when I attempted to call his cell it went straight to voice. When I showed up at the address I was given for my orientation it didn’t exist. I wasn’t surprised. I wasn’t even angry – the sad part was I expected it. He sent an e-mail at 3:45 that afternoon but I didn’t receive it until the next day. He didn’t come home Friday night and his cell went straight to voice.

I also have to wonder for someone who had no access to money on the 11th of Sept. how he managed to BUY a router so he could have internet. Especially since he’d told us that the router was given to him by JJ (supposedly his boss at VIPM). Here’s a tip for you - If you’re going to lie don’t leave the receipt where it can be found and determined to have been bought miles from where you said it was given.

Un-k pun-kin.

Broken promises lay all around Dash and I like shrapnel so we made our final ultimate decision without discussing it with him, he’d left us no alternative. We locked him out of the house. He showed up Saturday morning about 9:30ish and upon finding the chain engaged neither knocked nor called to have us let him in. A couple of hours later (approximately 11 AM) he did call and said he’d not only lost his job but his EX had sicked FRO on him for earning more money than before and that FRO had frozen his bank account and that he’d call back later to work things out.

He may well have lost his job with GC (due to tardiness - my guess) and FRO may have frozen his accounts but according to letters found amongst the rubble that was his bedroom it was his own fault. I’ll not get into the specifics of his child support as it may well be possible things aren’t what they appear. It would also seem that he has been into some bad business from the moment he got here, with his own bank. Those things aren’t conclusive and so moving right along.

We had a wedding to attend (which I very much want to talk about next post) at 12:30 PM so without further delay we left him locked out and attended the function as planned. Neither of us knew at the time that it would be 12 hours before we got home. Upon our return he was standing in the driveway calling us. Leaving Dash to deal with it I understand the conversation went a little like this:

Binner: So is this an on the street kind of situation?
Dash: Do you have the rent?
Binner: No
Dash: Then I need the keys and the cell phone because I don’t feel like I can trust you after all the lies.
Binner: I never once lied to you.

We returned his clothes, books, movies, games, acoustic guitar and sentimental possessions but we have retained certain items of value to settle the debt he left. During the course of making sure his things were returned to him we learned that his mother pays for most of his responsibilities and was aware that the behavior we experienced is typical of him but that she had hoped living with Dash would teach him how to get his life straightened out.

There are a couple of things I know for sure – You can’t help someone who won’t help themselves. You can’t help someone who doesn’t think they have a problem. You can’t (shouldn’t) expect someone to change if they don’t want to.

Dash would say,”My father once told me, if you find yourself in a hole stop digging.” I feel bad for Dash though he’s known Binner for 16 some odd years and that friendship is d-e-d dead. He’s been sullen and broody wondering just how much of those years were lies, trying to define friendship by the good deeds one has performed for the other and of course flipping into the jaded jokes at his friends expense. The latter of which I just had to ask him to stop because I didn’t feel that way even if I understood where it came from.

I’m not sure how I feel about it right now, sort of like buzzards ravaging the remains of the freshly dead. Or like a homeless and hungry person riffling through his dead pockets for spare change. Whatever it is, it just doesn’t feel right.

No Complications

I don’t have a clue what’s gotten into Dash lately but I like it. For the last 3 days all the adults in this household have been fighting off some bug or other (stomach flu, laryngitis, and allergies) leaving us quite tired because our sleep has been disturbed. For D this is usually a cause for no extracurricular nighttime activities but last night, well he was agreeable.

Seems the tide has turned for the better and I’m getting exactly the right amount of intimate attention. I often said with Dash and I there were only 2 problems with our relationship at any given time. Lack of sex and lack of money.

The sex issue has been an ongoing thing that we have made various attempts to correct with little to no success that seems suddenly to have resolved itself.

Where the money is still a moderate problem it is in the works for being ironed out. I’m starting a new job tomorrow morning that will be Monday through Friday 9 AM – 4/5 PM for $10.50 an hour as an Administrative Assistant. I am personally acquainted with my boss and we get along well enough as friends. However I am mildly trepidations about the possibility that work and social may cause a bit of a strain to said friendship but only time will tell.

Believe it or not the idea that Dash and I will have absolutely no problems come the beginning of October actually alarms me on some level. Call me sadistic if you must but I think that in order to have a healthy relationship there have to be problems. Maybe I’m just the type of person who has to have something to work on in order to feel other than worthless. True there will still be goals to work towards and dreams to fulfill but I’m not certain what to do without problems. Mostly I think I fear stagnation and boredom.

From the moment I met him D has captivated me. We are 4 years down the line and he still intrigues me. He can still raise dragonflies in my belly by simply looking at me. No one in the world has ever enthralled me like he does. I love that and I never want to lose it.

Roomie Remiss

Ah, Binner our roomie has had his absolute downs since he arrived in June. Within 48 hours of his arrival Dash had arranged a job for him. After 4 days on PSL (head office) told him that there was a minor technical problem and that they needed him to not go to work until it was sorted out. He waited a week and called, they knew nothing yet. So he waited another week and still PSL was lacking so he informed them he needed to seek employment elsewhere.

During all of this Dash had taken him to Rogers to get a local cell on our account so as to be discounted since we have cable and internet through them. I was flabbergasted thinking he should have waited until his first pay check to be purchasing anything. The only paycheck he received from PSL he spent on a computer and helped us out a little on the groceries. That was June.

Beginning of July he calls up an old acquaintance Re’al owner of a cell phone call center and was assured that there was a supervisory position available for him the following week. You guessed it the following week Re’al said that it would be a week more upon which he informed Re’al that he would need to seek employment elsewhere.

August arrives and he begins putting out résumés even one to the TH I was working at. It wasn’t really what he was looking for but it would have been money in the pocket except they didn’t give him a call back. So mid Aug. he gets a job with VIPM and they hold his first check.

The second check which was paid on the 1st of September is when things started to get really uncomfortable around here. Binner had missed the deadline for it to be direct deposited into the bank so he had to pick it up on Tuesday the 5th (due to the holiday) but he worked all day that day so he deposited it through the ATM. BIG Mistake. Scotia holds all deposits put into the ATM machine for 6 days. I had told him that and apparently he forgot. During all of this he has also promised me a job as his Administrative Assistant – because the hours are more conducive to C’s school schedule and apparently VIPM is very family oriented. As of yet it continues to be postponed.

At any rate when he moved in here it was agreed that he would pay ¼ of the rent, utilities, groceries and his entire own phone bill. It seems with him we are always waiting, it’s not like the guy is out to ruin us or even lie to us but so often what he says WILL happen doesn't. It had gotten tense around here a couple of times but this last one really tripped my trigger.

Yesterday evening when Dash and Binner returned from Ottawa Dash had our first installment of the rent. Binner is supposed to be giving us the same amount on Wednesday and again on Friday. I’ve already told him I’ll believe it when I see it. Same goes for the job offer that he swears he is straightening out today! We shall certainly see.

Take Me Out to the Ballgame

Dash’s boss gave him 2 tickets to the Toronto BlueJays game this past Wednesday the 6th. Let me tell you those were some seats. 15th row between home base and 1st base. They were playing against the Cleveland Indians. My being American and all I just had to root for the U.S. team. (Funny thing not a single person on the Jays is from Canada).

Anyway just to illustrate how close those seats were about top of the 5th inning the Toronto fans get to clapping for the pitcher to strike this player Luna out because the bases are darn near loaded 2 outs and I decide it has to be difficult to play an away game so I screamed “Come on Luna” and I’ll be damned if he didn’t falter and miss. I swear he heard me and I broke his concentration and lost the Indians their opportunity to bring the score even at that moment. I feel bad, I swear I was trying to help. The Toronto fans are grateful though. It was fun, been a long time since Dash and I went out all by ourselves.

As a side note I’d love to write about all that has happened with Binner but honestly I don’t know where to begin. I guess it’s safe to say the situation is grim.

I love you today because...

The older I get the more I begin to understand. The more I understand the more I appreciate. As appreciation is a commodity of rarity I have decided to make it a point to extend those words of gratitude to whoever is in need of it.

I loved my mother on Saturday because…

As a child my mother spent most if not all of her time doing what other people wanted her to do. I spend a good chunk of my time concerned with the people I love’s happiness. So when I went grocery shopping by myself I noticed that I was listening to the CD I wanted at the volume I wanted, I stopped in stores I wouldn’t normally and took my sweet ass time. It was quite wonderful really and I was left wondering if my mother ever had moments like this of her own.

I loved my Aunt Betty on Sunday because…

I had guests over the weekend which brought the household total to 4 adults and 3 children. It was left to me to make sure everyone was feed. I began with brunch at 10:30 a.m. and didn’t leave the kitchen until 3:30 p.m. That included pancakes and juice for all. Washing all of the dishes. Sweeping up the cereal that made it to the floor and pre-prepping the chicken dinner for roasting.

My Aunt Betty had 7 children. How she ever left the kitchen and kept her house clean I’ll never know.

I loved my mother yesterday because…

Last night I was hemming my pants. The hem itself turned out straight and clean. It was beautiful really. When I was 10 years old my mother taught me to cross stitch, when I was a teenager she tried to teach me to use a sewing machine but I pleaded boredom and turned up my head phones. What she didn’t know was from the corner of my eye I watched her hand sew quilts. I love her for all the things she never knew she taught me.

Health

Okay then. I haven’t fallen off the face of the planet, disappeared or rolled over and died. Although I might have been better off at one point had the latter been true.

On Tuesday August 6th I went to work with major cramping in my torso and abdomen. I had taken quite a bit of medication beforehand hoping that the pain would ease. It really didn’t.

On Wednesday the 7th I was feeling about the same but I thought it was only because I hadn’t been awake very long and that it would subside once I busied myself with work. An hour into my shift I could have sworn that I was having something akin to unending, unceasing uterine contractions. These were accompanied by chills and very severe shakes and I’m starting to worry that I might have ODed on over the counter pain relief.

So I tried calling the main store to see if I could get someone to come in and replace me unfortunately no one was answering (later I found out that someone had not shown up for their shift over there). After that I attempted to call my manager who at midnight was not answering his phone (it usually takes him 4 hours to return voicemail). So I called my immediate supervisor who was supposed to be having surgery the next day and she advised me to call the owner, which I did. The owner said he would stay up all night and try to find my replacement or get the manager to call. He also told me to do as much as I could given the circumstances.

When the manager finally called he said it would be impossible to find someone to fill in for me (without even bothering to try) especially because the other store’s employee had done a no-call no-show. I was livid. He asked me if I could do it, to which I replied that I really didn’t have a choice now did I. I could walk out of the store doors wide open leaving no one there and ruin any chance I had of a job with them or anyone else for that matter or I could shake, cramp and service the patrons. I also conveyed to him that the very first person to show up for their shift was GOING to be my relief and that I was going to the ER immediately.

The relief that finally showed up was the supervisor scheduled for surgery and she showed up for her usual shift not because I needed help. Although she kicked me out of the store as soon as she heard what happened to get taken care of.

After 8 hours in the ER it turns out I had bleed into an ovarian cyst and advised that had I remained standing I could have ruptured it, fallen directly into shock and died. Ah, the joys of mismanaged work places. So the prognosis turned out to be a week of bed rest for the pain to ease, 3 – 6 weeks before I could return to strenuous activity (work) and if I didn’t adhere to this that they most likely would have to perform surgery. But the Doctor said that the pain and bed rest were specifically relative to the individual and therefore could not give me a note for the job other than to say that I had visit the ER and when.

Now you tell me of any work place that is going to give you 6 weeks off after only having been with them for 7 weeks without a doctor’s excuse. I discussed it with my family and we decided together that my health was more important than a job that was only paying me $7.75 an hour, overworking me and more concerned making money than the individual getting them there. I tell you I’m never going to understand employer’s who care nothing for their employee, keeping them happy and healthy so as to avoid the major problem this owner has – high turn over.

It’s been 3 weeks since then and I am only just barely able to do more than lay on the couch. Thank goodness for Tylenol 3 with codine. Last week I was doing 2 chores a week (dishes & dinner) this past week (dishes, dinner and 1 load of laundry a day). Next week I’m hoping to return to work but the job offer is mildly iffy so we’ll see.